Find Me on Medium

I’ve been trying something different from my traditional blog. You can find me here….

https://sondiewilliamson.medium.com

Hope to see you there!

The Woman on the Exam Table

She sat on the exam table waiting for me to enter the room. She looked no different than the dozen patients I had already seen with cold and flu symptoms. We were well into the frantic weeks between Thanksgiving and Christmas and viruses were the gift of the season.

I stood in front of her and listened to her list of cold and flu symptoms. Headache, sore throat, cough, congestion, low grade fever….same as everyone else. She was busy shopping for her children and grandchildren and they would all be in town the following week. She still had to grocery shop and clean her house and cook. She simply did not have time to be sick…same as everyone else who was busy traveling and shopping and generally too busy to be sick.

My mind quickly ran through her complaints as I told her I would order a flu swab and that treatment would depend on results. Everyone wanted an antibiotic for a quicker recovery even though antibiotics wouldn’t treat a virus. I spent a lot of time explaining this and I was weary of it.

She continued to tell me about her holiday plans and all the reasons she did not have time to be sick as I started my exam. She talked through me peeking in her ears with my otoscope but had to be still when I shined the light on the back of her throat.

Peace. At. Last.

I held the light there a few seconds longer than needed just to soak up the brief silence. I realized it was a little too long when her eyes met mine and she anxiously asked if her throat looked ok. Rattled out of my reverie I knew it was time to move the exam along. I replaced the otoscope to it’s home on the wall and grabbed my stethoscope from around my neck.

When I placed the stethoscope on her chest to listen to her heart and lungs I was mainly going through the motions. I moved from the front of chest to her back and said the same thing I had been saying all morning. “Take a deep breath.” As expected her lungs sounded clear but something in my mind forced me to stop. I realized that when I was listening to her chest I didn’t even recall hearing her heart beat.

Was the rhythm of her heart regular? The rate normal? Any murmurs? Any extra heart sounds? I had no idea. I was appalled at myself. She deserved better than this. She deserved to be heard. She trusted me to provide her with good medical care so that she could see her loved ones for the holidays.

While she was there for simple upper respiratory symptoms and had no red flags, she still she deserved for me to be present. During the time spent in that exam room with her I needed to be focused and give her my best care. I moved my stethoscope back to the front of her chest and listened.

Her heart beat was steady, regular, no murmurs and her rate was a perfect 70.

Our eyes met again. “Does my heart sound ok?” I could honestly answer with a resounding yes. “Yes it does sound ok, very normal.”

As I left the room to ask the nurse to do a flu swab I made the conscious decision that no matter how tired I was, every patient deserved to be heard. Whether it was their words or their chest I was listening to, I needed to truly listen. I could be efficient yet still be present. I could review flu swab results quickly but knew I needed to be present as I did so.

Her flu swab was negative as expected. She was relieved as expected. We talked about symptom management and I advised her to return if she worsened rather than improved. As I reviewed this with her, I didn’t see just another woman on the exam table. I saw a wife, mother, grandmother, daughter, sister, and friend.

That small gift of presence in the exam room made all the difference for her I believe. She thanked me for taking the time to listen and take care of her. Her thankfulness was a reminder to me that my career is a gift and not to be taken for granted.

To be trusted with someone’s life is a sacred trust. A trust I never want to break because of busyness. A trust I will continue to earn…one patient at a time.

Halloween Night

The evening was good
Watching the full moon
Rise behind the half bare
Branches of the
Neighbor’s trees as
Kids in costumes dug 
Through the giant
Bowl of candy.

Sitting on the turquoise 
Benches beneath the 
Party lights hanging
From old gnarly 
Dogwood trees our
Circle gradually growing
As friends gravitated
Like moths to flame.

Cool breeze of the
Late October night
Blowing the bonfire
Smells of wood
Burning from up the
Hill in the cul de sac 
Recalling candied
Memories of days gone by.

Little connections of
Community weaving joy 
Into the tapestry
Of my life making me
Long to drink in this 
Magic to be poured
Out on thirsty days 
That lie ahead.

A neighbor asked
If I was doing well and 
Knowing what he 
Referred to I replied
With a simple yes but 
thought “4 years out”
Aiming for 5 without
Relapse is my goal.

One more year to go to celebrate another anniversary of my life.

I Am a Nurse Practitioner

I take care of people.  I not only diagnose, treat, prescribe, order tests, and teach to empower patients regarding their health care, but I also meet families, collect stories, celebrate anniversaries, birthdays, new babies and mourn through illness and death. I get to glimpse behind the curtain of people’s lives to see their hearts as they relive memories and plan for the days ahead.  

While most of my days at work are like anyone else’s days at work… filled with paperwork, meetings, red tape and the tyranny of the urgent… I also have many days that I get to experience beauty that transcends the mundane.  

Like the days I see love communicated through compassionate care for one another as a husband of 60 years combs his ailing wife’s hair.  Or the days I see adult children managing their parent’s bills and medical appointments often all while providing the hands on care needed as well.  And there are the days I see a wife mowing the yard and taking out the trash so that her disabled husband will not have to do these household chores…then I see the disabled husband cry to watch his wife have to take over these chores.   

There are also the days I see the impact of my work changing lives.  A patient finally had a good night’s sleep because their pain was controlled.  Another patient was able to eat a meal with their family because their nausea and vomiting was finally resolved.  Some patients who have long standing needs met, like the need for medical equipment so that they can function more independently. Other patients who are dying and able to transition to hospice to focus on comfort care now that someone helped them have this conversation with their family.

There are also the days I am able to work as part of a team who puts patient care above all else.  Every member fulfilling their unique role to the best of their ability so that a patient can receive the best care possible.  To be a part of a top notch team and to see patients and their families benefit from our work is amazing.  When it takes the whole team to get a job done it tends to be because of dire circumstances. While these situations often leave the team exhausted and emotionally drained, we are also exhilarated by the work we have done.

In spite of all the good and wonderful parts of my job, there are also the days I feel worn down by the needs and the hours spent working.  Worn down by the bureaucracy of insurance policies and institutions. Worn down my lack of self care. It can be taxing on even the heartiest of humans. These are the days I remind myself that there is a purpose to my work.  A purpose beyond the here and now….and I can’t imagine doing any other job.

Sunset

Almost a year to the day I posted about writing on this blog again. I titled it Sunrise with a picture of the sunrise from the exact same balcony overlooking the exact same beach where we vacationed with the exact same friends as I am right now.

Here I sit on the balcony where I just watched a spectacular sunrise and thought, “oh this sunrise would be a good way to start the blog again.” Which is apparently the same exact thought I had last year and posted exactly twice after that and stopped. Again.

Maybe the sunrise isn’t what inspires me after all I thought to myself. I decided to change it up and focus on the sunset instead. I could wax poetic and use reverse psychology and think about the sun setting on my fear. The end of the day for fear. Go boldly into the night. The last day I let fear control my words. While all of this sounds good and inspiring, I know myself well enough to know that this will not be the case.

The battle with fear about my writing will continue. It will be a challenge to face with every sunrise and every sunset. It will take the hard work of showing up every day whether here or in my notebook. It can’t matter to me whether anyone reads my words or likes my words. It can’t be about approval or recognition that I’m a writer. None of that can matter. What matters is that I live my one life being faithful to my calling, from sunrise to sunset and sunset to sunrise.

It has to be this way for you too. Whatever your battle is, you have to show up daily. You can’t let fear, no matter the source, stop you. Your voice may be rusty but you must sing the song in your heart. Be bold. Be courageous.

From sunrise to sunset and sunset to sunrise…this is me, starting over…again. May it be the same for you.

More Than Happy

One of the things I love is used books; however, this love for used books has created overloaded bookshelves. As in books 2 rows deep on each shelf. Books stacked on top of the front and back rows. Obviously I have an addiction here. Today I decided to tackle the stacks and part ways with some of my books.

I found myself looking through them of course as I was deciding on who to keep and who to let go. What captures my mind the most are the inscriptions. It’s like getting an extra scoop of ice cream for free these little inscriptions. A glimpse into someone’s life. Glimpses that I turn into stories.

Some of the inscriptions I came across today:

“To our son Dan, Merry Christmas,” Love Dad and Margaret. Interesting, our son yet she doesn’t sign as mom. Here’s a family saga of remarriage and a blended family.

Then there was someone’s flight information with flight numbers, seat assignment, airport names and gates with departure and arrival times. An interesting travel story here. Maybe a business trip? Or a trip to meet a long lost friend. Possibly a trip to visit family? Lots of options.

One of my favorites is this one: Dear Jan, “Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born.” Anais Nin. Your friendship has truly blessed my life-happy birthday dear friend!!” Love, Elaine. June 23, 1997. Oh be still my heart! I’ve created many stories about these friends!

Another one I found shocked me. It said….Merry Christmas 2008, May 2009 be a happier year. - Sandra

It was written to me. Oh my goodness. I pictured my own story here. 2008 was a rough year for sure, but this inscription makes it apparent that I lived an obviously unhappy life that year. How sad that I lived from such a dark place that instead of spreading any light or joy to the world, I added to the darkness. What is more sad is that this friend was in her 3rd year of treatment for breast cancer and in 2009 was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. She had health issues, and had no idea what 2009 held for her, yet she hoped 2009 would be happier for me.

Fast forward 10 years later. The year is now, 2019. My friend Sandra has been gone for 9 years. She died on the eve of her 61st birthday in June 2010 surrounded by family and friends. Today, I realized I am finally the woman she caught a glimpse of all those years ago. She isn’t here to see it, but she would be relieved that her years of speaking wisdom to me paid off. She saw a woman in me I hadn’t yet believed existed. She saw who I was becoming. And now I am here.

You see, I’ve learned to be more than happy. I’ve learned that joy trumps happiness. A deep joy that isn’t swayed by circumstance. A joy that looks forward with eternal perspective and keeps the here and now less front and center. A joy that only comes from walking with God, trusting in Him on both good and bad days.

Life still happens. There are still hard things to deal with. There are still days I don’t feel happy. The difference is that I don’t wallow in miry depths for days on end. I pray to let the joy of the Lord be my strength and you know what? He is my strength so that I can remain light to others.

Needless to say, the book with that inscription is back on my shelf….and I know right where it is when I need a reminder.

Sipping Saturday

The Turquoise Table is off to a good start! So far we have had 2 Sipping Saturdays and a Light the Night event for Halloween.

This Sipping Saturday we had a small group but so much fun! There were 4 women and a darling 2 year old who brought a lot of life to the table. We had coffee and cinnamon rolls as well as a few other noshes. Even though the temperature was only in the 40’s, none of us felt cold. The hot coffee, sweet cinnamon rolls, and warm fellowship made a delightful combination.

The mailman stopped for a wave and a shout out….”It feels so festive out here!” was his comment. That earned him a cookie.

There is something that feels festive when you sit in your front yard. It creates a neighborly feeling. Everyone who drove past offered friendly big waves which we returned in kind.

There is something about being present to others, about offering yourself, that brings a warm festive feel to life. It brings life and zest to world weary souls. This is the feeling I want to experience more often.

The Turquoise Table not only helps build community…it provides extraordinary moments in my ordinary life.

Sunrise

We just returned from a long weekend at the beach with friends. It was a relaxing, renewing and reflecting time. I thought a lot about this blog and how it has just sat on the back burner for so long. Simmering. Bubbling. Cooking.

I realize it’s time to start doing something. Just. Start. Doing. Something. It’s much easier to keep it on the back burner than to actually add more ingredients to the pot and then serve it up. Right now it doesn’t require much, just an occasionally stirring and good to simmer awhile longer.

Why is it so difficult to blog when it is something I used to enjoy so much? It was always a healthy way for me to process. A healthy way to be present. A healthy way to be intentional about life.

The only answer to the simmering question is fear. Fear is defeating me. I’m afraid of the commitment. I’m afraid of failing again to maintain this. I’m afraid I’ve lost my voice.

The opposite of fear is faith. Who doesn’t want faith over fear? I pray for faith. I long for faith. Am I ready to walk in faith? Even in a small thing like writing on a blog I want my faith to be stronger than my fear.

So as I looked over my pictures from the weekend and saw this shot of a sunrise it hit me that today is the day to begin again. Just as the sunrise marks the dawn of a new day, so will it mark the day I dip my toes in the water …right where the glow of the sun is the brightest.

Are you with me? Gather round the table, the final ingredients have just been added to the pot and the soup is almost ready to be served!

Reality Walk

I finished out Breast Cancer Awareness month with good reports from both my demolition man and my reconstruction man. The 2 year hurdle of going to see one of them every 6 months has been cleared! Yay!

When Mr. Reconstruction came into the room the first thing he said was “Congratulations, you are almost halfway to being a 5 year survivor!” And yes, that is something to celebrate. But in all honesty, I have not even thought that far ahead. I haven’t thought about the importance of being cancer free for 5 years.

Suddenly a sneaky little quick thinking voice said, “You have to make it to the 5 year mark before it counts, these little hurdles aren’t a big deal”. Oh how quickly the tempter tries to make me doubt.

For some reason I’ve just been jumping over these hurdles that have been placed close together without much thought beyond the very next one. Week to week, month to month, season to season. The distances have been short goals. Stopping places. Maybe that’s as far down the path as my mind could go.

After the visit I headed for a trail to walk. I spent the time remembering God’s faithfulness. Remembering the people who walked this path with me. Remembering others who have fought this battle. And I thought about the risk of recurrence in these next 3 years. It happened once so I know it can happen again. That’s the reality.

As I walked and prayed and remembered, I noticed the pink arrows painted on the trail. Markers left from the breast cancer walk that happened a few weeks ago. They served as a visual for me to keep walking in the way I know is true. With the firm and steadfast footsteps of faith. Not the tremulous uncertain walk of fear. With the belief that even if the mountain does not move or the waters do not part, I will walk in faith and praise Him still.

And that’s the true reality.

Long time, no post.

Wow it has been a long time since I posted.  The busyness of life just took over.  Sometimes it seems easier to give in to the busyness rather than push against it, but then you get down the road a bit and realize that the way back to your life is a dirt road that's all uphill. 

Yep, that's where I am now.  Standing on the dirt road looking up the hill I have to climb in order to reclaim my life.  The good news is that I've started walking.  I've stopped standing, mouth gaped open in disbelief and started the walk back.

Bible.  Books.  Markers.  Paints.  Pencils.  Journals.  Clean desk.  Decluttered bookshelves.  Tennis shoes. Water bottle.

Determination.

I've been meditating on the scripture from I Kings 19 about Elijah and the broom tree.  Elijah had seen God's miracles and was a man of great faith, yet when Jezebel threatened him he went running away.  He hid under a broom tree and told God that it was all too much.  He caved in.  He was ready to end it all.  

God allowed him to rest and even sent angels to cook for him.  God met him right where he was and gave him enough.  Enough to continue his journey to where he would meet God as a small still voice.  Enough.

Looking over the last year of my life, seeing so many amazing miracles by God, how have I ended up lacking faith in the challenges that have appeared? How did I allow myself to get back on the hamster wheel of busyness and spiritual lack?  How have I ended up caving in?

Where are you in the journey?  Caved into the busyness?  Walking the road back?  So overwhelmed you have no idea where you are and neither does Google Earth?  Are you at the "too much" from life or the "enough" from God?

Wherever you are, I pray you receive the Enough from God you need to be on the way.

And now, with shoes on and chin up, off I go.  Trusting God for Enough.

Sunset

I'm happy to say I've come to the sunset of breast cancer season.  Yes, I hit the one year anniversary of my diagnosis.  My twin Susie and I sat on that same beach, looking at that same pier as last year when I first learned the news....and just look at the beautiful sunset God gave us.  At first the sunset was a non-event and we almost left the beach for our room, but then we saw a lovely pink cloud behind us and decided it meant we should sit a little longer.  We were not disappointed.  The sky changed colors for a good 30 minutes.  What a show!

Untouched- I'm not savvy enough to alter it and God made it beautiful enough for my photo skills to still glorify Him.

 We marveled at all God has done over the last year. He has been so faithful that I've struggled a bit with a survivor's guilt.  All I had to do was have a double mastectomy-no chemo, no radiation.  Every time I hear about another woman facing the diagnosis, many facing so much worse than I did with a very long treatment plan ahead, some even facing a terrible prognosis, I earnestly pray for them.  And then I pray that I do not allow satan to steal the glory of God in my story because I feel guilty.  Living bound by survivor's guilt is not helping anyone but the devil.

I'm still trying to figure out the Double or Nothing way of life.  It doesn't mean I suddenly stop working and travel.  It doesn't mean I do whatever, whenever I choose.  It means I change my perspective.  It means I enjoy the little things more than ever and don't hold onto the negative things.

I remind myself that I am a pilgrim on this earth journeying to Heaven.  There are many enjoyable parts of the journey with glorious views and good times.  There are also many flat tires and uncomfortable hotel beds. Heat waves and road rage.  I can't hold on to any of it, good or bad. My goal is to glorify God and become more Christ like through it all.  

A pilgrim shell and journey notes.

Interestingly, my most favorite seashell is the scallop.  I fell in love with the uniformity of their shape, yet each one unique with so many colors and shapes.  We are all humans, but each one unique.  

(Side note- The scallop is a prominent symbol of the Camino, marking the pilgrimage way.  It has long been a goal of mine to walk the Camino with friends, but I've collected scallops years before the Camino was on my radar.)

I found this little grey scallop, marked with a few wisps of orange, while taking a final walk on the beach.  After the walk I sat down to journal my final reflections on the weekend with this little guy in front of me.  I stared at the scallop and wondered about it's journey through the ocean.  What gave it those little orange wisps?  Good things?  Bad things?  Both? 

It was a reminder of my pilgrimage of the last year.  A journey of a lifetime.  A journey marked by blessings and miracles that far outweigh the pain.    

I imagine myself as a scallop.  Am I grey with wisps of pink?  Am I one of the burgundy ones with waves of pink sprinkled across it? (I know I have pink somewhere on my shell!)  Whether waves of pink or wisps of pink, I hope one thing is clear....my markings come from God and are all for His glory.

Wherever you are on your journey, sunrise of a new season...good or bad....or sunset of a season ending....good or bad...may you know you are chosen and marked by a mighty God.

The State of the Union

It was a heavy work week and pre-op was also this week.  Life nearly drug me under but I had several highlights to help get me through! 

For instance, it was Marty's birthday.  We had a wonderful time with family and friends in the backyard and on the porch.  We grilled, played, visited and of course had cake and ice cream.  He loved his gifts but most of all he loved gathering.

Friday was graduation night for my "like a daughter" Mary.  She was valedictorian nonetheless and gave a smashing speech!  So proud of her!  

Today found me here.  In my eno after I walked the trail around reservoir park.  The weather was just right at the time I was out with the perfect amount of breeze and sunshine.  I was able to make it to jazzercise twice this last week and to walk around reservoir twice as well.  Exercise and the outdoors are renewing for me.

Today as I looked out over the lake, I pondered 2 articles I came across this past week.  One was about how to be successful at being intentional and the other was about happiness.  A common theme in both of them was gratitude.  I've never thought about the link between living intentionally by living gratefully but it makes sense.

Gratitude does a multitude of good for us.  It keeps us from living from a place of scarcity.  Success in anything is hard to come by if you function from scarcity.  A place I've lived too much from.  A place I don't want to live from.

So, for me, a double or nothing life needs to be life lived from a grateful heart.  Practicing gratitude daily in whatever way fits my style and my schedule is what I must do.  

Here's to gratitude....double or nothing.

The State of the Union

Well friends, the weekend is coming to an end.  I've had some much needed Sabbath rest this afternoon.  I've also had time to reflect on the past week which has looked pretty much like the picture below.  I made eno time a priority.  It is such a good thing for my soul, and y'all know that is my life rule for a few more months don't you?  I am keeper of my soul.  It's taken more work than I thought it would when I came up with that last July.  Who knew what August was about to whoop out on me?  God did. duh.

Writing this blog post from this Eno perch of mine.

The week started off in it's usual busy way with work and life rushing in.  Our "adopted" son Collin came home from college and brought his first girlfriend to stay for a few days.  They cooked dinner for a crowd Monday night so folks in the neighborhood could say hi to him and meet her. That's when 3 Eno's got hung in the back yard and I couldn't be happier about that!

Marty left for his volunteer work week at Windy Gap on Tuesday.  He still isn't home and feels like he's been gone for longer than he actually has.  B and I went to our S5 dinner, the group of gals we've been friends with for about 20 years now.  We all helped take care of our friend Sandra when she was dying-that's what the S stands for.  Sandra, and there are 5 of us.  Aren't we so creative? ha

Wednesday was the craziest day with a social media gone wild about school shootings here in our not so sleepy town.  That will make a mama crazy.  It was a non-event thank God.  The evening was eno time. Collin and I spent time hanging out in our eno's once his girlfriend headed home. It was a good catching up time.

Thursday was my hair-do day!  Yay, my roots look better!  I also took a sunset drive in Velma with my top down while Erin was at work then Bible study after work.  Then porch and eno time to end the day.

Friday Erin left for Raleigh right after school to stay with her cousin.  Collin hung out with a few friends.  I got my toenails painted orange in honor of Sandra, my friend who died 7 years ago (anniversary date in about 3 weeks).  After that I had a steak dinner all by myself and it was marvelous.  I ended the night on the porch, party lights doing their nightly shining.  Marty was able to call so we got caught up on the events of the week.  Matt and B saw the party lights on and stopped in for a visit.  A very good night.

Saturday started on the porch with coffee.  I spent the day mainly running errands and the evening going to church.  I worked on moving more stuff into our newly renovated closet and out of our bedroom.  I could rest much easier with my room looking neat again.

Sunday has been lovely.  Coffee and Bible my Roost in the backyard early in the morning. Time with Erin and Collin.  A nap in the eno.  Cooked a little.  Walked with Daisy and without her.  Waiting on Marty to come home.  Thinking about how to be the keeper of my soul in the week ahead, otherwise life drowns me. Starting to work on my new life rule that will start in August. Yes, August.  Goals and a word to focus on in January then a reboot with a focus on life rule in August.  Keeps me going/focused to have something twice a year.

Swinging in my eno now....marveling at God's creation all around me....reveling at God's sustenance all inside me....returning my soul to rest once more because the Lord has been good to me. (Psalm 116:7)

Have a good week and we will chat later.

9 months later...

A lot can happen in 9 months.  For instance, you can get pregnant and 9 months later have a baby, and wow how your whole life changes forever.  The pregnancy is a process and the delivery is a whole nother process and then you are a mom.  You have labored to bring this new life into the world and life is never the same again....it is better.

This is what I was thinking about on my walk this evening.  About what all can happen in 9 months.  9 months is on my mind because my diagnosis was 9 months ago.  This got me thinking about the whole 9 month process of pregnancy, labor, birth....new life.  

I've been underground the past few months, just hunkered down and surviving real life.  Not living double or nothing for sure.  Just nestled in a quiet place.  Living day to day.  Knowing there was still more I needed to process but not wanting to go through the process.  Knowing that to go forward I had to go back.

It was time to return to the place where I first churned the news around in my heart.  To make that same drive and walk that same shore with that same pier and same ocean that churned along side me.  It was time to put on that same bathing suit just to see how it would all feel.  It was time to be brave again.  It was time to labor and to birth what needed birthing....me.

See those foamy feet in the picture above?  Those are my feet last weekend back on that same beach I was on when I got the news 9 months ago, that infamous birthday trip with my twin Susie...dear Susie who kept me sane that weekend.  My left boob still had the radiologist's initials from the biopsy the day before.  Which I have to admit was a little weird.  An inked on "BH" showing just above the edge of my bathing suit.

Last weekend I went alone.  I didn't even have any initials on my new boobs. I processed and labored....I rested and recovered.  When I left I wasn't sure I had birthed the newly purposed me, but I could see a life at 9 months later that looks brighter than it did a month ago.  Life that looks more like a "double or nothing" kind of life at least on the inside and that's where it matters.  I know life will never be the same again...it will be better.

These were the thoughts I was pondering as I finished my walk.... all this 9 month labor and birth analogy... when I saw a neighbor driving home.  I don't know even know his name.  I just know which house he lives in and that he drives a white truck. We always share a friendly wave when I walk past his house or he drives past me.  This evening however he slowed down, stuck his head out the window and called out, "Hello there happy person!".  I laughed out loud and gave him a hello back, glad that I had a happy person look on my face.

Maybe my birthing happened right then and there.  Happy person.  Why yes, that's me....9 months later.

Yay Sprinkles!

In working on my "Double or Nothing" way of life I have decided to collect a few sprinkles from my day. Yes, sprinkles.  Those little moments that God sprinkles over me that I often miss.  The extra little polka dots of fun, beauty, laughter, grace, love....you get the idea.

Some sprinkles over this last week:

~The morning sky was a brilliant pink backdrop for the bare winter trees.

~Sitting in a warm spot of sun with a cup of hot coffee and book on my afternoon off.

~A stop by a new bakery with B.

~Breakfast alone eavesdropping on three older southern men discussing election fashion trends in between talks about firewood and trucks left me laughing for hours.

~Marty showing up at the end of my work day to ask me to dinner.

I enjoyed my first week of savoring the sprinkles.  Hope all of you are able to find some sprinkles too.  

Cheers!

Post-Op Progress

Quick update:

This time around is much easier than last time!  Praise God.  The limitations are the most difficult part of being compliant. Having a T-Rex reach is challenging at home and at work....yes work.  I was able to return to work on Monday!  Everyone is being most helpful at putting things at arm's reach, literally.  

Many loving hands have been helping me with the around the house stuff, meals and rides. I have started driving which makes getting to work easier.  I just can't wave to anyone because I can't lift my arms high enough.  Isn't that funny?  

Comfy in my fluffy pink robe, photo bombed by my fluffy black dog Daisy.

All in all a better process than I had feared and worried about.  Just goes to prove to myself that worry is a waste of time. ha.  Will I ever learn?

Thanks for prayers and well wishes.

The Road to Surgery

We headed out early this morning.  The moon so big and round, a beacon to nudge us along the way.  More than gravitational pull, it was a summons to keep moving forward. God's beauty on display.  A reminder of God's power and faithfulness from before time began.  The moonlight showered an ease over the fretfulness that lived in my soul this past week.

Ignore the distracting street light.  

Marty and I sat quietly holding hands as we traveled the moonlit road, comfortable in the cocoon of 25 years of marriage.  I thought about the many roads we've traveled together.  Smooth  roads, rough roads, happy roads, sad roads, angry roads, joy roads....and now this road.  A road of its own.  An unexpected road.  A road that detoured us at the cancer mile marker. A road that will become the "after road" for us.   A road that has changed our direction, for the better actually I think.  

Now we will walk the recovery road. A road I am so relieved to be on.  I am so happy to have the expanders out and implants in.  I am so happy that I woke up with the normal post-op hang over without hallucinations or delusions.  I am so happy for the many of you who have been on this road with us.

I go for an early post-op visit in the morning.  Maybe he will unwrap me and we will see what's beneath the bandages.  I will clarify my restrictions.  I am in so much LESS pain that I can tell I will have problems with rules this time.  The only way I will be able to keep myself in check is to remember that I can mess these up and then need another surgery to fix them.  That is motivation!

For tonight I will wallow in the presence of my family and have peace in the mystery of what is to come.  

God's peace to us and you in whatever mystery you are living in right now.  He is the author of our lives and while things are mysterious to us, nothing is a mystery to Him.  Rest in this.

Good Hours by Robert Frost

Good Hours

I had for my winter evening walk-
No one at all with whom to talk,
But I had the cottages in a row
Up to their shining eyes in snow.

And I thought I had the folk within;
I had the sound of a violin;
I had the glimpse through curtain laces
Of youthful forms and youthful faces.

I had such company outward bound.
I went till there were no cottages found.
I turned and repented, but coming back
I saw no window but that was black.

Over the snow my creaking feet
Disturbed the slumbering village street
Like profanation, by your leave,
At ten o'clock of a winter eve.
 

Goals 2017

I have used the same little journal to write my goals in since 2014.  Kind of like my 5 year journal, it lets me see history...and as y'all have figured out, I love seeing the tapestry created by history.

In 2014 I decided to focus on categories and sub-categories and have just continued those.  It is interesting to review what I've accomplished and what went by the wayside.

My little polka dotted bird goal keeper. 

Along with history and polka dots, I also have a thing for alliteration.  My categories all start with the letter H.  Heart....Home....Head....Health....Hijinks.  The subcategories under each are where I focus my goals.  

Heart- goals for spiritual, relationships, community.

Home-goals for family, household management type things.

Head-goals for personal growth and career goals.

Health-goals for exercise, diet and rest.

Hijinks-goals for fun things from bigger ideas like travel to intentional daily celebrations.

Before 2014 I'm not sure what happened to my written goals.  I don't know what I accomplished or not.  I love that I can look back over the last few years and see what happened...or not...what I want to continue to focus on...or not...how I have lived my life...or not.

For 2017, it will be double or nothing.  Somehow.  Join me?

Reading Challenge 2017

I've never done a reading challenge before but I decided to try one out for 2017.  Here are my categories and titles.

photo courtesy of enw photography

1.  A book set in my home state- The Marrowbone Marble Company (set in Huntington, WV which is my original home state and the town where I went to college-Marshall U, WE ARE MARSHALL and I will be forever green, with hint of Duke blue.)

2.  An award winning book- The Narrow Road to the Deep North (Man Booker Prize plus the title grabbed me.)

3.  A classic I haven't read- Frankenstein

4.  Collection of essays-  How the Universe Got its Spots

5.  A book I will read with a friend -  The Post Birthday World (This book is on my friend Lacey's list and we will read it the same month.)

6.  A book someone gave me-  In the Sanctuary of Outcasts ( thank you Laurie! )

7.  A book about books/reading-  Ex Libris: Confession of a Common Reader (thank you again Laurie!)

8.  A book about a topic I usually avoid- Home, How Heaven and the New Earth Satisfy Our Deepest Longings (topic is Heaven and I read a fair amount of Christian non-fiction but find that I avoid this topic.  Thanks B for the book!)

9.  A collection of short stories-  I Am Crying All Inside

10.  A book recommended by someone with good taste- In the Shadow of the Banyan (recommended by my well read friend Amy)

11.  A book I bought for its title-  Still Life with Bread Crumbs

12.  A book about generations of a family-  The Gathering ( I love heritage/ancestry and am intrigued by history).

There you have it!  I decided to start January with a book about reading to set the tone so I will start with Ex Libris: Confessions of a Common Reader.  The only other month I know for sure is that I will read Frankenstein in October.   I will let you know how this goes!

Do you have a reading challenge?  Do tell!