The last month has been a mix of whirlwind and waiting. You walk around with your body on Earth and your mind on Mars from the Bad Mammogram to the first biopsy results. Your emotions are about 50% Run Amuck and 50% Peace at this point.
Then you decide that your left boob is not your friend and you are done with her. The percentage improves to 60-40% now.
Between the next week of tests and biopsy on the right boob you realize that she is too is a turncoat and not to be trusted. You battle Peace and Run Amuck and hit about 70-30%.
You research and review and meet your oncologist and decide to go for the gold. Double or Nothing. Now you function at the 90-10%. Much better.
While all of this is going on, you nest. Yes, nest. It is a similar feeling to when you are about to have a baby and you want everything prepared. But this time you want everything prepared for your recovery because you know you will be out of commission about a month.
You buy bedding and sheets that you have wanted for 10 years.
Your husband and a few friends finish the reconstruction on your bedroom because you know that you don't want your boobs and your bedroom both to be under construction at the same time. Plus husbands and men are fixers and this is something they can fix.
You take advantage of a Labor Day Sale on a giant chicken picture because you really like the look in her eye. You name her Queen Esther Brown and hang her in your dining room because you like the idea of her presiding over the meals around your table.
You splash Fall decor around your house because this is your favorite season and you don't want to miss it.
You ride with your top down as much as possible because your soul loves the sweetness of the sunshine and your skin loves the dancing of the wind. You seriously do not care what your hair looks like. You also like the sneakiness of capturing a picture as you slow down for the red light.
You realize that while money in your pocket is important, a pocket full of family and friends is luxurious....and you like luxury. From the people who lived near you in the holler, to childhood and school friends, to co-workers, to Neighbors, to your church family, to your family-family, to your Old Fat Hogs, S5, Book & Bottle, Shine Girls, SAS, Team Neese and missionary friends you know you have more than you deserve.
Your head leaves Mars and travels back to Earth to meet up with your body again. You know who you are, where you come from and where your eternal home is. No boobs needed.
You realize you are a daughter of the Most High God and you live in the lap of luxury.